Last night, after a difficult and taxing day at work, I sat down on my bed and prayed to the Lord for guidance. And an amazing thing happened – there was suddenly a great flash of light and the Lord appeared RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, IN PERSON!
‘Hello, Markus,’ He said.
‘Hello, Lord,’ I said.
‘Markus,’ the Lord said, ‘I know things have been hard for you lately. But it is important that you do not falter. Continue with your good work; continue to inform the citizens of the world about dog breeds. It is an important job, you are doing the right thing, and you should not listen to oddballs, especially those who do not fear my awesome omnipotence, for they truly are lost souls.’
‘Thank you, God,’ I said. ‘Sometimes my work is hard but you have reminded me it is my true calling in life – I always knew I was never meant to work in retail forever – and the oddballs are forgetting some of your most important guidance, delivered through your only begotten son, during his all too short time on Earth.’
‘Too true,’ said God. ‘If only they’d given my boy more time. But they were caught up in a frenzy of blood lust and unable to see things for what they truly were.’
‘I am sorry, God,’ I said, ‘about what happened to Jesus. If I had been there, I would have done everything in my power to protect him.’
‘I know you would, Markus,’ the Lord said, ‘you are a good man. But what concerns me is just how angry people seem to be. It’s as if they haven’t listened to a word I’ve said.’
‘I’m afraid that does seem to be the case,’ I said. ‘I fear they don’t believe in you anymore; they worship at the altar of science, now.’
‘Science?’ asked God. ‘Who is he?’
‘Science is the scientists, en masse, Lord,’ I said. ‘They are just people.’
The Lord sighed. ‘It is as I thought,’ he said. ‘They have forgotten everything. They get their food from the supermarket and their clothes from the mall and they forget who controls the harvests.’
‘Perhaps you should send more plagues and famine to remind them, Lord,’ I said.
The Lord scratched his chin, which was as big as a grand piano.
‘Actually,’ I said, ‘don’t do that.’
‘I will have a think,’ said the Lord. ‘In the meantime, continue with your good work.’
Yes, friends, that was an actual conversation I had with God during a religious experience at home last night. And let me tell you it was rejuvenating – more rejuvenating than any other conversation I have ever had! Afterwards, I was reminded of one of Jesus’ major teachings: ‘love thy neighbour.’ We would all do well to remember that, I think!
Sadly, I am in the position where I must once more reiterate: this is a family site and no place for abuse or incitement of any kind. The Lord has taught us we should not mercilessly attack others for their views: we can disagree, of course, but when we start to resort to threats and abuse, no matter how entitled we feel, we are being less than civilised (and are probably also breaking the law and potentially leaving ourselves open to the threat of litigation). To those who have questioned my professionalism and integrity, let me say this: I do not wish harm upon any animal for I love them like St Francis of Assisi. Furthermore, I always SAY NO to drugs. It is important to remember that no-one (except God, of course) owns the Internet. That said, I extend the loving hand of friendship to all those who have shared their thoughts on the site. In time, I hope they will grow to love me and my information about dogs so our wonderful community of dog lovers can extend to all four corners of the globe and continue with the good work the Lord wishes to be done.
For the time being, however, I have been advised to disable comments on all posts until investigations are complete. This is a shame, because it means the minority are spoiling things for the majority (and how often have we seen that, eh, friends?). In the meantime, however, you can still contact the site team via the email address on the contact page. And, at some point in the near future, you can rest assured I will resume my good work, as instructed by God, so the good people – the decent people – are able once more to contribute to the greatest dog information website on Earth: dogbreedsoftheworld.co.uk.
The Lord will prevail.