“Who’s this shaggy little fellow? Why, it’s Yorkie, the Yorkshire Terrier!”

Though it may be small, the Yorkshire Terrier is the most aggressive breed of dog on Earth. Just as short people often attempt to compensate for inadequacies of stature by being extra assertive, so the Yorkie acts as if it truly believes it carries the threat of a far larger beast! Described by some as ‘yappy’ because of the tendency to bark all day long, the breed is happiest when it has something to gnaw on or chew – a rubber toy, for instance. These dogs like chocolate drops (perhaps a little too much!) but, contrary to popular opinion, dislike wearing bows, ribbons, bells, jewellery and other accessories as they have an independent and somewhat macho demeanour and find embellishments such as these unnecessary and humiliating. The breed is naturally possessed of a magnificent cobalt and gold coat which moults very little and is said to be hypoallergenic.

Due to the Yorkie’s size, not a great deal of walking is required: taking it for a quick spin around the block once or twice a week should be enough to blast away any cobwebs. Do be careful, however: this breed is susceptible to overfeeding and obesity can be a problem. In the event that your dog should begin to exhibit symptoms (e.g. an increase in size and/or weight), discontinue the use of choccie drops and other treats immediately and consult your vet about available treatments; these range from liposuction to stomach stapling.

Proud of their Yorkshire roots, these dogs love Wensleydale cheese and the region’s traditional folk song On Ilkla Moor Baht ‘at. They are good with children and old people and, whilst the majority are devout Christians, Scientology is an increasingly popular choice of faith. Famous Yorkshire Terriers include former White House resident Pasha (owned by Richard Nixon’s daughter, Tricia), Smoky, the heroic World War Two veteran, and popular Hollywood entertainer, Tom Cruise.